Parenting, Power, and Perspective: A Conversation Across Generations
Ruth Reffkin & Benis Reffkin
On May 8th, Compass agents came together for a heartfelt Mother’s Day event co-hosted by The Garson Team and Women of Compass. The centerpiece: an intimate conversation between Ruth Reffkin— Compass Agent, President of Compass Plus and mother of Founder & CEO Robert Reffkin—and Benis Reffkin, Mother of Three, Wife & Executive Coach.
The conversation explored the evolution of motherhood through their lived experiences—from the challenges of single parenting in the 1980s to the complexities of raising children in the digital age.
“I’m incredibly lucky to be shaped by two strong women, my mom and my wife. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t feel like the greatest gift I have been given is being raised, loved, and supported by these amazing women.”
The Power of Education
Education was a focus in both women’s stories. For Ruth, raising Robert as a single mother, it was the foundation she leaned on whenever life felt unstable. “No matter how difficult things got, my education always helped me through,” she shared.
Benis reflected on her own childhood as the daughter of an immigrant. Her mother, who came to the U.S. at 20 without formal schooling, helped Benis understand early on that education was the path to independence and opportunity. “My mom couldn’t give me the life she wanted,” Benis said, “but she made sure I could build it for myself.”
Different Eras, Shared Struggles
Motherhood may be timeless, but the tools and expectations around it have shifted dramatically. Benis described the advantage—and the pressure—of raising children with constant access to research, parenting blogs, and social media comparison. “You think you have to do it all perfectly. But I’ve learned there are so many ways to be a good mom.”
Ruth raised Robert at a time when there was no internet, no “sleep training manuals”, and very little support. As a working mother and early childhood educator, she was constantly balancing guilt with duty. “I didn’t feel right doing anything for myself,” she said. “But now, watching Benis parent with care and self-care—I admire that.”
Their dialogue revealed a powerful shift in motherhood across generations: from performance to presence, from pressure to partnership.
Redefining the Role of the Parent
Both women emphasized that parenting isn’t about control—it’s about guidance. “Each of my three kids has a different relationship with me,” Benis said. “My job isn’t to shape them into what I want. It’s to help them discover who they are.”
Ruth recalled her own upbringing—how being bold or loud was discouraged, and how she was judged for not molding her child a certain way. “Back then, parenting was about discipline and conformity. But Robert wasn’t someone I could contain. He had this charisma, this energy. There’s no formula. Every mother does the best she can.”
They also touched on a deeper truth many top-producing agents relate to: that struggle often forges ambition. “What got us to success was the struggle,” said Benis. “Our kids don’t have that—so they have to find their own purpose. That’s our job now: to help them build gratitude, perspective, and drive.”
Parenting with Perspective
From raising a biracial son in 1980s New York to making annual trips to the Dominican Republic to teach her kids gratitude, Ruth and Benis are united by the belief that parenting is about values. Not wealth, not appearances—but empathy, justice, and earned understanding.
“Our kids weren’t placed here to serve our purpose,” Ruth said. “They’re here to become who they’re meant to be. Our job is to manage expectations—ours and theirs—and get out of the way.”
Benis added, “As parents, we want to feel needed. But I’ve learned—the more space you give them, the more they’ll come knocking.”
A Culture That Sees the Whole You
The event, sponsored by Women of Compass, was a reminder of what makes Compass culture distinct—especially for women and working mothers. “Real estate is full of powerful women—many of them single moms—doing exceptional work,” Benis said. “At Compass, there’s zero tolerance for mistreatment. We value women, we support them, and we’re proud to promote them.”
In an industry often defined by competition, this moment offered something different: connection. A space for truth, laughter, vulnerability, and legacy.
Featuring
Ruth Reffkin
Compass Agent and President of Compass Plus
Benis Reffkin
Mother of Three, Wife & Executive Coach
